A blast from the past -- read more Dear Junior on the Columns Page.
Dear Junior
Somewhat Sensible Sense For The Confused, Confounded And Counter-Enlightened
Dear Junior,
I’ve had it with my in-laws! They think they are so perfect, but they’re not! Whenever my husband and I go to visit them, they treat me very rudely. My brother-in-law once pinched my hinder, my sister-in-law often makes comments about my weight, and my husband’s parents are terrible cooks and terrible housekeepers who have lived off government disability for the last 20 years and refuse to get jobs even though they are no longer disabled! I love my husband but hate his family. What should I do?
HAD IT IN HEDRICK
JUNIOR SAYS: Hey HAD IT, no one likes their in-laws! You've actually got it pretty good. You say your brother-in-law pinched your hinder? Well my sister-in-law, Rosie Mabel, once threw me off the roof! We were playing a little Mixed Marital Arts game up there and she got riled when I tried to put her in a sleeper hold and picked me up and tossed me right into the compost heap. My brother-in-law Bill Willie once stole my pick-up and drove it right into a Casey’s General Store on account of that commercial jingle was driving him crazy. (You know the one – “Casey’s it’s all good …” ). My wife’s parents ain’t had a job in 30 years, although they do sell what they call “abstract chainsaw art.”
So your in-laws can’t do anything right? How about your husband, they did him right enough for you to love him, didn’t they? My in-laws are the worst people on the planet, but they gave me my Mrs. Junior, and I’ll always be thankful for that.
(As a side note, HAD it, I’d be forever grateful if you could let me know exactly how your in-laws managed to get that government disability. Is there a form I’d need to fill out?)
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Dear Junior,
I run a child care operation from my home. Nine months out of the year, I don’t have any problems with my neighbors, but during the summer months my next-door neighbor’s college aged daughter frequently sunbathes in a very skimpy bikini that leaves little to the imagination. She is thin but very curvaceous and spends hours in the sun, rubbing lotion all over her skin. I don’t think this is a very appropriate thing for the children to see as they play in the back yard. Our neighbors are good people and we’ve always been very friendly. I’m not sure how to approach them about this. What should I do?
MODEST IN MORAVIA
JUNIOR SAYS: Those are some tricky troubles, MODEST. I think what you need to do is build a privacy fence around your back yard. I’d be happy to build it for you, at a very reasonable price. It would be quite a project. I’m guessing I would get started right at the beginning of the summer, and if I work on it a little bit every day, I’d say it will take me about three months to get it finished. Then next summer, I’ll need to paint both sides of it.
Dear Junior
Somewhat Sensible Sense For The Confused, Confounded And Counter-Enlightened
Dear Junior,
I’ve had it with my in-laws! They think they are so perfect, but they’re not! Whenever my husband and I go to visit them, they treat me very rudely. My brother-in-law once pinched my hinder, my sister-in-law often makes comments about my weight, and my husband’s parents are terrible cooks and terrible housekeepers who have lived off government disability for the last 20 years and refuse to get jobs even though they are no longer disabled! I love my husband but hate his family. What should I do?
HAD IT IN HEDRICK
JUNIOR SAYS: Hey HAD IT, no one likes their in-laws! You've actually got it pretty good. You say your brother-in-law pinched your hinder? Well my sister-in-law, Rosie Mabel, once threw me off the roof! We were playing a little Mixed Marital Arts game up there and she got riled when I tried to put her in a sleeper hold and picked me up and tossed me right into the compost heap. My brother-in-law Bill Willie once stole my pick-up and drove it right into a Casey’s General Store on account of that commercial jingle was driving him crazy. (You know the one – “Casey’s it’s all good …” ). My wife’s parents ain’t had a job in 30 years, although they do sell what they call “abstract chainsaw art.”
So your in-laws can’t do anything right? How about your husband, they did him right enough for you to love him, didn’t they? My in-laws are the worst people on the planet, but they gave me my Mrs. Junior, and I’ll always be thankful for that.
(As a side note, HAD it, I’d be forever grateful if you could let me know exactly how your in-laws managed to get that government disability. Is there a form I’d need to fill out?)
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Junior,
I run a child care operation from my home. Nine months out of the year, I don’t have any problems with my neighbors, but during the summer months my next-door neighbor’s college aged daughter frequently sunbathes in a very skimpy bikini that leaves little to the imagination. She is thin but very curvaceous and spends hours in the sun, rubbing lotion all over her skin. I don’t think this is a very appropriate thing for the children to see as they play in the back yard. Our neighbors are good people and we’ve always been very friendly. I’m not sure how to approach them about this. What should I do?
MODEST IN MORAVIA
JUNIOR SAYS: Those are some tricky troubles, MODEST. I think what you need to do is build a privacy fence around your back yard. I’d be happy to build it for you, at a very reasonable price. It would be quite a project. I’m guessing I would get started right at the beginning of the summer, and if I work on it a little bit every day, I’d say it will take me about three months to get it finished. Then next summer, I’ll need to paint both sides of it.
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