Saturday, Nov. 7
News from the outside world — which has become increasingly foreign to me in my time in this remote cavern — carries the day. Word came down this morning that the huddled masses of this fine nation had decided to cancel the failed, ridiculous reality-television show after four horrible seasons, and actually installed a real human being to preside over domestic governance and foreign affairs. I was very pleased to hear this, as was the masked woman who lives upstairs. She has visited me occasionally, and sent me off twice today to acquire necessary provisions. She requested a chicken-like fried meat substance on a bun, and I carefully fetched it, among many other items of varying nutritional value, which were delivered to my method of transport. She remains high-spirited, and is fighting the COVID virus off admirably, with the dignity and grace seen only among ancient warriors of lore. I learned today that I am negative and not likely carrying the virus, although I am still required to quarantine. This is excellent news, and I shall redouble my efforts to resist the contagion. Lastly, it was heartening to witness black-and-gold-clad winged knights successfully defend our region from a group of warlike Spartans earlier today. The Hawks were, indeed, in the House, time and time again.
I’m pretty sure that my yard signs didn’t do any good, but I still liked having them. I was happy to take them down today.
The bottle that holds 500 Tylenol capsules does not fit in the medicine cabinet.
There are people who just shut up when they lose, there are others who lose with grace, dignity and respect, and there are people who are total, insufferable dicks about it. Try not to be the last one. No one likes you.
If you had a dream last night that I was killing a bat, it was not real. I did not kill a bat last night.
Iowa’s November weather has actually been the nicest weather we’ve had all year. Don’t doubt, that will change.
I have many friends, at least four, who make their own beer. I do not make my own beer, but I would like to drink some. It definitely wouldn’t kill you to leave some on my stoop and knock on the door.
Today’s quarantine playlist: Faith No More, “Let the Music Play” by Shannon, Tom Petty, Z-Z-Top, Prince and Woody Guthrie.
Today’s quote: “This machine kills fascists” — A sign, on Woody Guthrie’s guitar.
Overall status: Cooler than balls.