It's The Flag of Losers
A lot of folks are missing the larger point when they discuss the Confederate flag.
And yes, I know that the Confederate battle flag was not the original Confederate flag, and was never officially adopted as the flag of the Confederacy, but it's the flag everyone is talking about, so it's the flag I'm talking about now when I talk about the Confederate flag. So don't get all deliberately obtuse on me and pretend to be confused because I'm not talking about the right flag, you know damn well what I'm talking about.
Yes, of course, it is a symbol of racism, hate and evil. The Confederate flag represents institutionalized slavery, unprecedented bigotry, and ignorance to a degree of which only Lucifer himself could appreciate. By flying the Confederate flag, you are telling the world that you are an enemy of God and of humanity.
You might not be an enemy of God and humanity. You might just be a guy who likes listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd songs or has a finer appreciation for how them Duke boys used to outwit J.D. "Boss" Hogg and his minions in the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department.
Or maybe that Confederate flag belt buckle simply helps to hold your pants up a little bit better than those Jack Daniels, Smith and Wesson and "Git-R-Done" belt buckles do.
But unfortunately for you, if you're displaying the Confederate flag, you are telling the world that you are an enemy of God and humanity, even if you're not. That's the message you're sending.
And, of course, the Confederate flag is a symbol of treason. It represents aggressive, armed insurrection against the United States of America. It is the flag of traitors who hated freedom and equality and hated their country so much that they were willing to kill and die to destroy it. (Well, they were willing to let poor people die to destroy it -- but that's a whole other discussion altogether.)
Under the umbrella of the Confederate flag, "soldiers" declared violent warfare against the United States and -- for 150 years after they'd lost -- slaughtered thousands of innocent people, destroyed homes, churches and businesses, terrorized and tortured women and children, and committed atrocities that make Abu Ghraib look like a junior prom.
Those who fly the flag like to talk about the U.S. Constitution, as if somehow the First Amendment supports their cause. But their predecessors are the ones who launched an all out attack in an attempt to destroy that same Constitution. It's poetically hypocritical for their descendants to try to cowardly hide behind it now.
Those who fly the flag like to talk about "political correctness," as if that's a thing that supports their point of view. You want to talk about political correctness? How about referring to the Confederate Insurrection as the "War of Northern Aggression" for 150 years, so not to hurt the feelings of the traitors who invaded the North? How about teaching that term in classrooms for five generations? There's your political correctness.
How about teaching their children that the Civil War was about "states' rights," for 150 years, so not to hurt the feelings of the descendants of traitorous, godless, violent, sociopathic slave owners and slave traders who were willing to overthrow the government so that they could continue to treat other human beings as livestock and continue to peddle their wares with absolutely no labor cost? State's rights, my ass. There's your political correctness.
How about putting up statues of treasonous generals, and calling them "heroes" rather than calling them what they were -- traitors. There's your political correctness.
How about claiming that the Confederate flag represents "our heritage," rather than telling the truth -- it represents hatred and treason and godlessness. Yeah, I've got a whole deck of "political correctness" cards left to play -- and you Confederates are leaving the table broke.
So yes, if you're displaying a Confederate flag, you are telling the world you hate your country. Maybe you don't hate your country, maybe that flag just looked cool in your dorm room, and real men don't use curtains. But unfortunately for you, the world is getting the message that you hate your country.
But that's not the biggest reason to stop flying the Confederate flag.
The biggest reason to stop flying the Confederate flag is this: It's a flag of losers.
That's right, Confederates, you're all a bunch of worthless losers. Your generals were terrible strategists and idiotic tacticians. Your soldiers were mostly cowards who could barely march, let alone shoot. Your political leaders were chicken shits. The first line of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" had Confederates pissing themselves in fear well into the 20th Century.
Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant and William Tecumseh Sherman kicked the holy hell out of your guys at every turn. They outsmarted you, they outfought you, and they made you their bitch.
Robert E. "Bobby" Lee? Please. He looked pretty good at first, shrewdly avoiding the real battles and "defeating" non-combatants, but our Yankee boys caught about with him soon enough. How do you spell "surrender," Bobby? How do you spell "capitulate?" The flag that best represents Bobby Lee's legacy has no stars, no bars, and only one color -- white.
Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson? Don't make me laugh. Chancellorsville was like a lucky catch. The rest of the time he had his own troops so confused that they accidentally shot and killed him. Better forget Old Jack, commemorating him is like the Tampa Bay Buccaneers bragging about the 1976 NFL campaign -- and at least the Buccaneers finished the season.
Jefferson Davis? You could have expected better from the 19th century's best known transvestite. This guy's battle motto was practically, "Why won't somebody help us?" His best strategic move was dressing up in his wife's clothes in an attempt to avoid capture, and even that didn't work.
At least Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse had one moment of victory, when they outsmarted and outfought Custer and his boys, before they had to give up the fight. The Confederates didn't even sniff glory on the battlefield.
Losers, all of them. And sore losers as well. Lincoln and our Yankee boys whipped them all soundly, on the battlefields and in reasoned debate, and the Confederates hated him for it, and so they murdered him.
Then, like the cowards they were, they dressed up in ghost costumes and burned crosses in Satan's honor, and burned houses of worship, and killed innocent people for shits and giggles. All under that Confederate banner you say you love so much.
And yet, we didn't hang you for treason, like we should have. We didn't burn you at the stake, for crimes against God and humanity, like we should have. We didn't line you all up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all as terrorists, like we should have.
We let most of your plantations stand, even though we should have burned every last one of those houses of Satan-worship to the ground.
Hell, we've been gracious enough in victory to let you fly that loser flag for 150 years.
Maybe it's time you gave it up. Losers.
A lot of folks are missing the larger point when they discuss the Confederate flag.
And yes, I know that the Confederate battle flag was not the original Confederate flag, and was never officially adopted as the flag of the Confederacy, but it's the flag everyone is talking about, so it's the flag I'm talking about now when I talk about the Confederate flag. So don't get all deliberately obtuse on me and pretend to be confused because I'm not talking about the right flag, you know damn well what I'm talking about.
Yes, of course, it is a symbol of racism, hate and evil. The Confederate flag represents institutionalized slavery, unprecedented bigotry, and ignorance to a degree of which only Lucifer himself could appreciate. By flying the Confederate flag, you are telling the world that you are an enemy of God and of humanity.
You might not be an enemy of God and humanity. You might just be a guy who likes listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd songs or has a finer appreciation for how them Duke boys used to outwit J.D. "Boss" Hogg and his minions in the Hazzard County Sheriff's Department.
Or maybe that Confederate flag belt buckle simply helps to hold your pants up a little bit better than those Jack Daniels, Smith and Wesson and "Git-R-Done" belt buckles do.
But unfortunately for you, if you're displaying the Confederate flag, you are telling the world that you are an enemy of God and humanity, even if you're not. That's the message you're sending.
And, of course, the Confederate flag is a symbol of treason. It represents aggressive, armed insurrection against the United States of America. It is the flag of traitors who hated freedom and equality and hated their country so much that they were willing to kill and die to destroy it. (Well, they were willing to let poor people die to destroy it -- but that's a whole other discussion altogether.)
Under the umbrella of the Confederate flag, "soldiers" declared violent warfare against the United States and -- for 150 years after they'd lost -- slaughtered thousands of innocent people, destroyed homes, churches and businesses, terrorized and tortured women and children, and committed atrocities that make Abu Ghraib look like a junior prom.
Those who fly the flag like to talk about the U.S. Constitution, as if somehow the First Amendment supports their cause. But their predecessors are the ones who launched an all out attack in an attempt to destroy that same Constitution. It's poetically hypocritical for their descendants to try to cowardly hide behind it now.
Those who fly the flag like to talk about "political correctness," as if that's a thing that supports their point of view. You want to talk about political correctness? How about referring to the Confederate Insurrection as the "War of Northern Aggression" for 150 years, so not to hurt the feelings of the traitors who invaded the North? How about teaching that term in classrooms for five generations? There's your political correctness.
How about teaching their children that the Civil War was about "states' rights," for 150 years, so not to hurt the feelings of the descendants of traitorous, godless, violent, sociopathic slave owners and slave traders who were willing to overthrow the government so that they could continue to treat other human beings as livestock and continue to peddle their wares with absolutely no labor cost? State's rights, my ass. There's your political correctness.
How about putting up statues of treasonous generals, and calling them "heroes" rather than calling them what they were -- traitors. There's your political correctness.
How about claiming that the Confederate flag represents "our heritage," rather than telling the truth -- it represents hatred and treason and godlessness. Yeah, I've got a whole deck of "political correctness" cards left to play -- and you Confederates are leaving the table broke.
So yes, if you're displaying a Confederate flag, you are telling the world you hate your country. Maybe you don't hate your country, maybe that flag just looked cool in your dorm room, and real men don't use curtains. But unfortunately for you, the world is getting the message that you hate your country.
But that's not the biggest reason to stop flying the Confederate flag.
The biggest reason to stop flying the Confederate flag is this: It's a flag of losers.
That's right, Confederates, you're all a bunch of worthless losers. Your generals were terrible strategists and idiotic tacticians. Your soldiers were mostly cowards who could barely march, let alone shoot. Your political leaders were chicken shits. The first line of "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" had Confederates pissing themselves in fear well into the 20th Century.
Abraham Lincoln, Ulysses S. Grant and William Tecumseh Sherman kicked the holy hell out of your guys at every turn. They outsmarted you, they outfought you, and they made you their bitch.
Robert E. "Bobby" Lee? Please. He looked pretty good at first, shrewdly avoiding the real battles and "defeating" non-combatants, but our Yankee boys caught about with him soon enough. How do you spell "surrender," Bobby? How do you spell "capitulate?" The flag that best represents Bobby Lee's legacy has no stars, no bars, and only one color -- white.
Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson? Don't make me laugh. Chancellorsville was like a lucky catch. The rest of the time he had his own troops so confused that they accidentally shot and killed him. Better forget Old Jack, commemorating him is like the Tampa Bay Buccaneers bragging about the 1976 NFL campaign -- and at least the Buccaneers finished the season.
Jefferson Davis? You could have expected better from the 19th century's best known transvestite. This guy's battle motto was practically, "Why won't somebody help us?" His best strategic move was dressing up in his wife's clothes in an attempt to avoid capture, and even that didn't work.
At least Sitting Bull and Crazy Horse had one moment of victory, when they outsmarted and outfought Custer and his boys, before they had to give up the fight. The Confederates didn't even sniff glory on the battlefield.
Losers, all of them. And sore losers as well. Lincoln and our Yankee boys whipped them all soundly, on the battlefields and in reasoned debate, and the Confederates hated him for it, and so they murdered him.
Then, like the cowards they were, they dressed up in ghost costumes and burned crosses in Satan's honor, and burned houses of worship, and killed innocent people for shits and giggles. All under that Confederate banner you say you love so much.
And yet, we didn't hang you for treason, like we should have. We didn't burn you at the stake, for crimes against God and humanity, like we should have. We didn't line you all up in front of a firing squad and shoot you all as terrorists, like we should have.
We let most of your plantations stand, even though we should have burned every last one of those houses of Satan-worship to the ground.
Hell, we've been gracious enough in victory to let you fly that loser flag for 150 years.
Maybe it's time you gave it up. Losers.
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