Am I the only person still alive who remembers that there once was a power-trio of balladeers who sounded an awful lot like Led Zeppelin and called themselves "Zebra?" 

A gentleman named Randy Jackson was the catalyst behind this rather unorthodox group, who gave us several excellent songs before fading into oblivion, including this one:

Fifth annual Minnesota Shorts Play Festival to be Thursday, Sept. 5 & Friday Sept. 6

*I can't wait!*

Info on the show:
The Fifth Annual Minnesota Shorts Play Festival will be 7:30 p.m. Thursday, Sept. 5 and 7:30 p.m. Friday, Sept. 6 at the Mankato West Theatre, 1351 Stoltzman Road.

As a 5th Anniversary Special, any college student or high school student can get an advance ticket for half price -- just $5. GET THEM BY CLICKING HERE. 
Ticket sales are on the right hand side of the page.

Thursday night will be reserved to show the top 8 short plays written by Minnesota playwrights (chosen from 89 submissions). 

Friday night will feature the top 8 plays from all other writers across the country (chosen from 409 submissions). That way, our festival has the best of both worlds. All plays are 15 minutes or less.

Plays are performed and directed by people from Minnesota State University, Mankato; Bethany Lutheran College; Merely Players; Mankato Mosaic Theatre Company; the Playwrights Project; Box Wine Theatre of Minneapolis; Lakeshore Players of White Bear Lake; Freshwater Theatre of Minneapolis and more.

Here is a list of the 16 finalist scripts:

NATIONAL WINNERS

• "Dream a Little Dream" by James Grob of Bloomfield, IA 
  
• "A Long Trip" by Dan McGeehan of Tulsa, OK
  
• "The Button Pushers" by Ruben Carbajal of Jersey City, NJ
  
• "All's Fair in Love and Science" by CJ Erhlich of Chappaqua, NY
  
• "Seldom is Heard" by Mary Steelsmith of Los Angeles, CA
  
• "Kung-Foolery" by Brett Hursey of Farmville, VA
  
• "Scripted" by Mark Harvey Levine of Pasadena, CA
  
• "You Haven't Changed a Bit" by Donna Hoke of East Amherst, NY (Judges' Choice Award winner).
  

MINNESOTA WINNERS

• "The Night Light" by Whitney Rowland of Minneapolis;
  
• "On the Home Front" by t.d. barna of Eagle Lake; 
  
• "Wiener Dog Worries" by Ruth Furan of North Mankato; 
  
• "Todd Walker in Japan" by Mitch DeDeyn of Shoreview; 
  
• "Invincible!" by Mary Jost of North Mankato; 
  
• "The Gospel According to Hertha" by Esther Hoffmann of Mankato; 
  
• "ET v Predator" by Adam Sharp of Minneapolis and 
  
• "Driving Herd" by Sam Graber of Minneapolis (Judges' Choice Award winner).
  

Published in the Ottumwa Post, Aug. 27, 2013


CLICK HERE TO READ THE OTTUMWA POST

CLICK HERE FOR MORE COLUMNS

Some Advice For The College Freshmen

By JAMES GROB
Ottumwa Post

My youngest daughter just experienced her first day of college this week. Like most parents, I cried like a little baby. Then I decided that the young people of her generation University who are just starting school could use some advice, and who better to give it than someone like me, who has no idea what he's talking about?

So here it goes. Pay attention, all you new college freshmen.

1. There is no "freshman fifteen"

If you gain 15 pounds, consider yourself lucky. Nowadays, the average person gains 15 pounds just reading dessert recipes on Pinterest. The real number is up around 80. Yep, you're probably going to gain 80 pounds your first semester of school, and there is little you can do to stop it. You will spend the rest of your life battling to lose the weight you're going to gain in the next eight months. Why fight it? Just eat all the crap you can, because you'll be expected to be a porker by spring, so you'll never get an opportunity like this again.

2. Give yourself a nickname, but only if that nickname is "Milt."

When you meet new people, no matter what your name is, tell everyone to call you "Milt." Just trust me on this. There will come a time when you're grateful that everyone thinks of you as "Milt." This goes for both male and female freshmen.

3. Face it, your friends in high school were all losers.

If you're still friends with any of them in two years, you're probably a loser, too. Do everything you can to cut these morons out of your life completely. They're dragging you down and cramping your style. When you come back and visit around Thanksgiving or Christmas time, avoid your old high school buddies as if they had a new and uncontrollably aggressive form of leprosy.

4. By the way, your family members are probably losers, too.

This includes parents, grandparents, step parents, siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles -- even family pets. You don't need them screwing up your life anymore. It would probably be a good idea to avoid them as well, unless you depend on some or all of them for financial support. If you do, you have to be nice to them until you're out of college and making the big bucks. At that point, cut them out of your life completely.

5. Oh, and also by the way, your new friends at college are losers, too. And they're scary.

If you live in a dorm, there is a very high probability that at least four people on your floor are serial killers -- or they will be serial killers in the not-too-distant future. Also, chances are at least two of your professors have absolutely no knowledge of the subjects they claim to teach, because they are living under assumed identities in the witness protection program for testifying against a mob boss. Oh, also, someone on your dorm floor is probably a mob boss. And someone on your floor is secretly hiding a pet snake. It's most likely a python. Sleep well.

6. Don't go to morning classes

Try not to schedule any early morning classes, but if you have to, just don't go to them. You are in no condition to learn anything that early in the day. Actually, you're in no condition to learn anything in the afternoon, either. In fact, don't go to any class before 11 a.m. or after 1 p.m. And try not to schedule any classes over lunch. You can't be expected to learn if you're hungry.

7. Don't pledge

You may get the opportunity to join a fraternity or a sorority. These groups basically exist as programs to train you to become a jerk. You already know how to be a jerk, you don't need any high-intensity jerk training. No Greek for you.

8. Make sure you have an ethnic roommate

If you're reading this, chances are you're white. If you're white, you should insist on having an ethnic roommate -- it doesn't matter what ethnicity. Black or Hispanic would be good. Asian or Pacific Islander would even be better. Native American is top prize. This way, any time you say something stupid and get accused by other white people of being prejudiced, you can just say, "Hey, I have a black roommate" or "I have a Native American roommate" or something like that. This will immediately shut up any other white people who are pretending to be offended by something you said. However, if you say something so stupid that it actually and honestly offends some non-white people, you're on your own. Chances are you should have never opened your big mouth and you probably deserve to get beaten up.

9. Look both ways before crossing the street

This piece of advice isn't exclusively for college freshmen. It's just good advice for everyone, so I thought I would put it in here. Also, don't play with matches. And don't eat yellow snow. And see a doctor about that rash.

10. Study, study, study

Work hard and get good grades. That way, you can get into graduate school. You need to go to graduate school because there sure as heck aren't any jobs for you out here in the real world. And if there are, they're in the process of being outsourced this very minute. Face it, you're never going to be able to join the workforce, so get good enough grades so you can stay in college, where it's still fun. The real world is really hard. Avoid it for as long as possible.

Publicity photo for my play, "Dream A Little Dream" released Monday by the Minnesota Shorts Play Festival. This photo leads me to believe that they really get the play! Dreamer 4 is eating Cheetos, with a perfect expression on her face. I love how Dreamer 3 is reading "Fifty Shades of Grey." The costumes for Dreamer 1 and Dreamer 2 seem to fit the characters perfectly. Can't wait to see it!
Caption reads:

• "Today's featured play is "Dream a Little Dream" by James Grob. It's a hilarious story of four daydreamers -- one of which has daydreams that are a little too real. Starring Amy Scruggs, Carol Rath, Noelle Lawton and Cindy Olson"
  

Come see "Dream A Little Dream" and eight other short plays at the Minnesota Shorts Play Festival in Mankato, at Mankato West High School! Show starts at 7:30 p.m. Friday, Sept. 6.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THE SHOW, AND TO ORDER TICKETS.

Come see my short play "Dream A Little Dream" and many others at the Minnesota Shorts Play Festival in Mankato, at Mankato West High School! Show starts at 7:30 p.m. Friday, Sept. 6.

CLICK HERE FOR MORE INFORMATION ON THE SHOW, AND TO ORDER TICKETS.

I intend to be there, so hopefully you'll come see me! 

"Dream A Little Dream" is a great little play, and I am certain that all the others will be, too!

No article to yet, thus the "half," but wanted to share an online comment made by a longtime reader of a local daily newspaper, who has now switched to a free online paper. Not happy with the new pay wall. 
This kind of goes along with my thesis, that newspapers are killing themselves, either deliberately or through negligence of themselves.

READ PART ONE OF THE SERIES HERE

READ PART TWO OF THE SERIES HERE

READ PART THREE OF THE SERIES HERE

Published in the Ottumwa Evening Post, Tuesday, Aug. 20.

READ THE OTTUMWA POST HERE.

READ MORE SELECTED COLUMNS HERE.

CLICK HERE TO FOLLOW IOWASCRIBE ON THE TWITTER MACHINE




Exploring New Worlds On The Twitter Machine

By JAMES GROB
Ottumwa Evening Post

I've been on it for a while now, but I still haven't gotten this whole Twitter thing figured out. I do not see the appeal, and I'm not sure I'm doing it right.

Facebook was easy. You get in there, and you look for old friends. You give all your personal information to corporate giants so that they can sell you stuff directly. You post photos and videos of your kids, your cat, and what you had for lunch. You put up famous quotes and old AC/DC videos. You link to things you like. You "like" things other people link to. Sometimes you "poke" people. Sometimes you like what they like so much that you "share" them. This is the ultimate Facebook compliment.

People ask you to join things or to play games with them, and you tell them "no" because you aren't really sure what the game is, and this is a person who you barely know and haven't seen in 25 years, so why the hell would you want to play a game online with someone who you would never play a game with in real life?

Sometimes you get into arguments with people, and when you get really mad, you type things in ALL CAPITAL LETTERS to prove that you really, really mean what you're saying. Then you realize that you never could stand that pinhead back in high school, so why did you even bother to accept his friend request in the first place? So you "block" him. Then you feel kind of bad about blocking him, after all, he did give you a ride home from basketball practice that one time, so you unblock him and just "hide" him, so you don't ever have to see anything he says. So you're still Facebook friends with him, but you might as well not be, because there no longer is any interaction between the two of you.

You see, it didn't take me long to get Facebook figured out. I feel as though I am a master of Facebook now, and as long as they don't change the "timeline" or the "news feed" again, I'll be OK.

But then there's Twitter. You don't have "friends" on Twitter, you have "followers." And while people "follow" you, you "follow" other people. It already seems pretty creepy.

And there's no rhyme or reason to who follows who, and there is no requirement as to who follows who back. On Facebook, your friends are mostly people you know in real life -- or at least people with who you have either a common friend or a common interest. On Twitter, it's much more random and twisted. And the "hashtags" don't make any sense to me at all.

I have no idea who most of my Twitter followers are. And most of the people I follow have no idea who I am. And none of us gain anything at all from following each other. It's one of the most useless endeavors ever created.

For instance, I follow the entire cast of "Star Trek, The Next Generation." I don't know why. One night I thought it might be a good idea to follow them all, so I did. None of them follow me back. And none of them have anything to say that is even vaguely interesting. Actor Wil Wheaton, who played "Young Wesley Crusher" on the show, comes the closest to being interesting, but really, he isn't. He's just kind of annoying, like his character was on the show.

I also follow actor John Cusack. I like his movies very much, and think he is a fantastic actor and film maker. I have no idea what he's like in real life, but if his Tweets are any indication, he's a complete moron who is obsessed with government leaks and drone strikes in a way that is entirely unhealthy. I don't like the fact that one of my favorite movie actors is certifiably insane. I wish I would have never followed him.

And when I go back and read my own Tweets, I realize that I, too, come across like an idiot on Twitter. It's remarkably difficult to seem intelligent -- or even vaguely interesting -- in 142 characters or less.

The President sometimes sends out a Tweet. This week, his detractors have been making a big deal out of the fact that one of his Tweets contained a grammatical error. My thought? At least it contained SOMETHING of interest. No one else has anything to say on Twitter that even borders on intriguing.

I guess the one good thing about Twitter is that I have learned that famous people are just as stupid and boring and pathetic as I am, especially when faced with expressing themselves in such a minimalistic format.

So I'll keep Tweeting, at least for a while. It's the best way to keep up with my good buddies Wil Wheaton and John Cusack.

We're all going to make a movie together someday. We should call it "The Three Twits."

TRY THIS ONE!! CONTACT ME BEFORE IT IS PUBLISHED AND SAVE YOUR SCHOOL OR THEATRE GROUP SOME MONEY!

THE GOODCHEER HOME FOR BROKEN HEARTS

CHARACTERS
7 female, 4 male, 3 either

RUNNING TIME: 90-100 minutes

TIME AND PLACE
The village of Wetwater, a town in the present but trapped in the past.

QUOTED
"Please, just call me Charity. It’s more than a name. For me, it’s a way of life."
-- CHARITY GOODCHEER

SYNOPSIS: The audience will be encouraged to participate with boos, hisses, cheers and sighs as the show spoofs the classic American melodramas popular in the 19th century. Set in the humble village of Wetwater, the play tells the story of attempts by the evil Sir Severus C. Snackwell to con the town’s fair citizens out of money and real estate for his own gain. Assisted by his “master of disguise” sidekick, Severus sets his sights on swindling the residents of The Goodcheer Home For Broken Hearts, run by the sweet and matronly Charity Goodcheer, who happily tends to the needs of poor broken-hearted widows and orphans who have no where else to turn. Snackwell also has unkind intentions toward the play’s heroine, Shasta Bellflower, the smartest, most beautiful and best-smelling person in all of Wetwater.
The hero, the strong and ever-sincere Steele Manly, also intends to win the heart of Shasta as he fights to help Charity keep her home. The action heats up with battles of wits, swords, guns and boxing gloves throughout the play. The good town doctor -- Melody Harmony – and the village’s crazy, trigger-happy sheriff – Insanity Jane – both do what they can to give the handsome but soft-witted Steele the help he needs. Can Steele save Shasta and The Goodcheer Home from the clutches of Severus? The play keeps you guessing until the very end – and you better watch and listen closely along the way, because the play never passes on the opportunity for a silly joke or wild plot twist.

PRODUCTIONS
Davis County Children's Theatre, Bloomfield, Iowa, June 2012

Contact James Grob for production rights for THE GOODCHEER HOME FOR BROKEN HEARTS.