I absolutely adored author/poet Maya Angelou's way with words, and I was sad to learn earlier this week that she had passed away, because now she will not be creating any new word combinations at which I can marvel. I will miss that.

But I am taken aback at the latest trend on social media -- to attribute every marginally clever (and often every achingly un-clever) quote or comment to Maya Angelou. 

Please stop.

Maya Angelou did not say, "If you ain't rubbin', you ain't racin'."

Maya Angelou did not say, "Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it."

She didn't say, "Like this photo if you believe in Jesus, share this photo if you love Jesus."

Maya Angelou did not say, "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?"

And she did not say, "Scratch where it itches." 

(Although it is possible she did say that at some time, she wasn't the first to come up with it and it shouldn't be attributed to her.)

Maya Angelou did not say those things, OK? You're just putting her name under them to give them undue credibility.

Knock it off.

I have nothing to add.

I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

The free bird leaps
on the back of the wind
and floats downstream
till the current ends
and dips his wings
in the orange sun rays
and dares to claim the sky.

But a bird that stalks
down his narrow cage
can seldom see through
his bars of rage
his wings are clipped and
his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing.

The caged bird sings
with fearful trill
of the things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill 
for the caged bird
sings of freedom

The free bird thinks of another breeze
and the trade winds soft through the sighing trees
and the fat worms waiting on a dawn-bright lawn
and he names the sky his own.

But a caged bird stands on the grave of dreams
his shadow shouts on a nightmare scream
his wings are clipped and his feet are tied
so he opens his throat to sing

The caged bird sings
with a fearful trill
of things unknown
but longed for still
and his tune is heard
on the distant hill
for the caged bird
sings of freedom. 

--- Maya Angelou

CLICK HERE FOR THE DAVIS COUNTY FINE ARTS COUNCIL

Deadline Extended To June 3 For 2014 Davis County Players' Short Play Festival; Theme 'The Phone Call'

We got some good short plays, we just didn't get enough of them! The Davis County Fine Arts Council has extended the deadline for the Davis County Players' "Summer Shorts" Short Play Festival. Iowa Playwrights now have until Monday, June 3rd to submit a short play.  IOWA AUTHORS ONLY!

The theme of this year’s contest is “The Phone Call.” Plays should be in a standard play script format and be between 5-15 pages in length. They should be the author’s original material and not an adaptation. Comedy, tragedy, or somewhere in between – it doesn’t matter, but we are not looking for musicals.

The set will be minimal and the stage is small, so it is very unlikely that a play that requires an elaborate set will be selected for production. The play should have at least two but no more than five characters. And this year, the play should have something to do with “The Phone Call.”

Iowa writers are invited to submit work for the 2014 Davis County Players’ Short Play Festival, “Summer Shorts,” presented by the Davis County Fine Arts Council. The festival of short plays will take place on Friday and Saturday, Aug. 1-2, 2014 at the Iowa Theatre in Bloomfield, Iowa.

Playwrights from anywhere in Iowa are eligible. Several plays will be selected for stage production, with one “Best In Show” -- selected by the audience -- to receive the $100 grand prize. There will also be $50 prizes to the best play written by a resident of Davis County and the best play written by a Davis County student aged 18 or younger.

Please be aware that plays that do not follow the guidelines will not be considered, nor will plays by authors with no direct connection to Iowa.

Please visit our Web site at http://www.daviscountyfinearts.com for more information about the Davis County Fine Arts Council.

To submit a play electronically, email to jg4horsemen@yahoo.com. Subject line: “Summer Shorts.”

The Davis County Players company is one of the most well-established community theatre companies in the Midwest and has developed a reputation for bringing high-end and cutting-edge productions to a small town audience. We have successfully produced many Broadway classics as well as new, progressive material and several world premieres. Our audience has come to expect high-quality material, and although it is very open-minded, authors should be aware that material which contains excessive profanity, sex or violence is not likely to be selected for production.

Playwrights who have material selected for production will be notified by June 1, 2014. The $100 grand prize winner will be named by Aug. 2, 2014. Please submit your play electronically, in Word or PDF format.

Please include a title page and a page that includes all of the playwright’s contact information. More than one submission is acceptable, but please put separate submissions in separate files.

$50 prizes will also be awarded to the best play written by a resident of Davis County and the best play written by a Davis County student aged 18 or younger on April 30. Current members on the Davis County Fine Arts Council are eligible to have a play considered for production but are not eligible for any cash prizes.

There is no entry fee. By submitting a play, the author is giving the Davis County Fine Arts Council permission to produce that play for the Aug. 1-2 “Summer Shorts” Festival. The author will retain all rights to his or her work.

Don't Panic.

Say it ain't so, Jimmy Page, say it ain't so ...

(Of course, there's about 50 blues guitarists out there who want their royalties, too. Jimmy never heard a riff he couldn't steal.)

"And she's plagiarizing a stair-air-way ... to Heaven ... "

Local rockers and close personal comrades of IowaScribe -- "dognott" -- posted a blast from three years ago that splattered all over the social networking Interwebs yesterday ... I had forgotten how damn good this song was! 

This is the good old-fashioned down home dirty rock that makes people wonder why some old crooners spend 50 years of their lives jamming in your neighbor's garage while others spend 50 years selling out shows in places like Chicago, New York, Hammersmith and Budakon. The difference between example A and example B is minimal, and comes down largely to luck and coincidence. 

Alas, the good thing about all of that is the fact that I can honestly say that many people who are close personal comrades have written songs that, in my opinion, rival the best work of the likes of Deep Purple and Bad Company -- they just never had the happy coincidences that the Blackmores and Rodgers of the world have had. I'm good with that. Had they had those happy coincidences, I likely would have never gotten the opportunity to become a close personal comrade.

And along those same lines, I know quite a few writers -- including yours truly -- who have scribbled tales that rival the tales of Neil Simon and Tennessee Williams, and that is not an exaggeration. 

It's like this -- the best rock band in the world is a band you've never heard of, jamming in a garage or little bar in Idaho or Kentucky or Iowa or Manitoba or somewhere, and unfortunately you will never hear them play because they are happy doing just what they're doing -- rocking the shit out of Bumfreak, Nowhereville.

The best singer in the world is singing in some church choir in St. Idontknow, belting songs out in honor of the Lord every Sunday, happy to be singing to an audience that is sometimes smaller than the choir itself. You'll never hear her, and neither will I, but every Easter she gets a solo and the congregation politely claps for her.

The greatest actor in the world isn't in Hollywood or on Broadway. He or she is faking a happy marriage somewhere and occasionally performing "Death of a Salesman" or "The Odd Couple" on some small community theatre stage in some small town in some small state. Occasionally someone says "you could be on Broadway," but he or she doesn't believe it.

The best writer in the world spends most of his time writing hilarious fake reviews on Internet message boards for various products, mostly hygienic salves and lotions. He has no desire to write a novel or play or movie script or even a letter to the editor, because he's happy at his job selling high-tech gadgets. But his words, on those message boards, are smooth and amazing and hilarious and tragic all at once, like Shakespeare and Dickens smoking hand-churned butter out of a shared bubble-pipe while listening to the recorded poetry of the adult love-child of Maya Angelou and Charles Butkowsi.

The smartest person in the world is happily installing cable television in some house in some place you and I have never heard of.

The most beautiful woman in the world probably has to hide her beauty behind some kind of mask or shroud for antiquated religious purposes.

Do you get where I went with all that?

As for my dognott buddies -- when you guys doing a video for "I Wanna Get High?"

And PPP MMM ... Please, please, please make more music!

-- J

Where in the world are the most heavy metal bands?

According to a publication by the Central Intelligence Agency, there are more heavy metal bands per 100,000 people in Scandinavia -- that's Norway, Sweden and Iceland -- than in anywhere else in the world, as this map illustrates.

Ole, Lars and Sven are in the dark red, there.

Notice at the Northernmost point there, on top, in the middle? That little red area is the island grouping of Svalbard. Svalbard is an unincorporated locale of about 2500 people, occupied by Norway. About 700 of those 2500 people are of either Russian or Ukrainian derivation, while most the rest are Norwegians. 

The four main industries on Svalbard are coal mining, tourism, research, and rockin' like Dokken -- that's jammin' to balls-out metal riffs, squeezin' the whammy bar, howlin' at the moon like Ozzy before the second rehab stint, poundin' that double-bass drum, lickin' that bass guitar, etc. ...


You know, I catch that "Vikings" show on the history channel once in a while, and those dudes DO look a lot like 80s Metalheads.


Anyway, all this raises a larger question -- why is the CIA researching heavy metal bands?